


Cards Against Time

by Evora Layne (CreativeCreature)



Series: Original Work By Evora Layne [3]
Category: Cards Against Humanity - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Barry Allen needs to stop messing with timelines, Cards Against Humanity, Gen, I see you Barry Allen, MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE, School Assignment, School prompt, Time Travel, Time travelers, can't think of anymore terribly terrific tags, i need to come up with better tags, original story so NO TOUCHY, party game for horrible people, scenes inspired by voltron: legendary defender, school assignment prompt, that was the seagulls from Finding Nemo, why did i binge watch season 2?!?!?!?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9289016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeCreature/pseuds/Evora%20Layne
Summary: A bunch of bored people play Cards Against Time in a time ship in a time stream while they hope to Chronos that no one messes up the time line. Again. By trying to change history........Why did I write this?





	1. Chapter 1

**PREMISE:** A group of friends play cards against humanity while they sit in their time ship in the time stream and discuss their various adventures of them protecting the timeline from those who wish to change the timeline  _ [I see you Barry Allen!] _

**Character 1:** Noora - Female, Light Features; Light blue eyes, light skin, malfoy blond hair, Norwegian accent, Constantly has paint spots on her and in her hair, Wears vintage clothes; Think clothes from when my mom was a girl, Has a weakness for “ugly” animals; Ugly means not whole aka 3 or 2 legged animals, not pretty aka animals with disabilities or physical appearances that aren’t normal for their breed/species aka tongue sticking out, unwanted animals

**Character 2:** Patrick - Male, Faint scottish accent, Clumsy; Think Tonks from Harry Potter but worse, Cackles but snorts if he laughs too hard; Think Bickslow from Fairy Tail, Speaks in 3rd person which annoys Tom, Fiery red hair, hazel eyes, freckles for days

**Character 3:** Bix - Cyborg, Monotone, Has androgynous features, Brown hair, hazel eyes, tanned skin, silver parts: robotic eye, robotic left arm, robotic legs, robotic right hand, metal bones/limbs and part of his torso, Think cross between R2D2, C3PO, HK-47 from Star Wars

**Character 4:** Tom - Male, Sarcastic, Dark brown hair, dark eyes that burn, pale skin, tall, Harsh laugh, Wears sunglasses inside/at night [i wear my sunglasses at night - corey hart inspired]

 

**Rules of Cards Against Humanity:** Each player draws ten white cards. The person who defecated last is the first Card Tzar, they draw a black card. The Card Tzar reads the fill-in-the-blank black card out loud. The other players then choose one of their white cards to fill in the blank. After everyone has put a white card down, the Card Tzar then reads the black card again only this time filling in the blank with what each white card says. Though there can be a black card with two blanks which means that the players each put down two cards instead of one. After each round, the players each grab another white card till they are back to 10 total white cards. There is no definite way to win the game, it’s a game geared towards having fun.

 

Cards Against Time

A story of bored time travelers who have nothing better to do as no one has decided to be stupid enough to try and change the timeline [cough cough Barry Allen cough cough]

When a person is bored they usually call up a friend or just lay there, but when 4 people who are traveling on their ship in a timestream are bored then all bets are off. Nobody knows what can happen. The possibilities are endless; they could go to any concert they wanted, they could go to any music festival they wanted or any place they desired as long as they followed the rules of time travel.  Although, when the inhabitants of the UTS Phoenix, or Universal Time Ship Phoenix, are bored, they usually break out their vast collection of Cards Against Humanity decks and embrace their inner horrible people.

“Alright Bix since you defecated last, it’s your turn to be the Card Tsar.” stated the only female of the group. She ran her pink and green paint spotted hand through her light blond hair, leaving it semi-ruffled. The figure across from her nodded their head and reached into the box that contained small black rectangular cards. 

The androgynous cyborg sighed and clearing his throat, “Blank, that’s how I want to die.” He shook his head, hearing the metal moan in pain. The people who came up these cards must either be immature teenagers or bored drunk people with no life. “Why do we play this game every time we get bored? We are literally in a time traveling space ship right now. The possibilities of what we could do are endless!” He received blank looks, “Ugh. Really guys?”

The redhead next to him shook his head, “Patrick thinks you need to stop focusing on what we can’t do, and focus on what you can.” A round of groans echoed around the table. Patrick put down his white card and leaned back with his fingers interlocked like a celtic knot behind his head. 

“I still don’t know why you speak in third person. It’s really quite annoying you know.” Patrick smirked at the black haired man with burning eyes behind dark sunglasses. That was one of the reasons why he did it, because it was so annoying to Tom.

“Patrick thinks Tommy-Boy should just put his card down and get ready to lose.” 

The only girl of their quartet shook her head and shared an annoyed look with Bix. The rivalry between Patrick and Tom could get heated in the blink of an eye, if you weren’t careful and gave them ammo against the each other.” Just play your card Tom. We’ll be here all day if you two get into it.” Tom tched and slid his chosen card across the oddly shaped table to join the other three white cards.

The three players stared impatiently at Bix as he deliberated dramatically. Tom moaned and slammed his hands down on the table with the force of an enraged elephant, “Goddammit Bix! Just pick a card, stop trying to imitate a snail!” There was a moment of silence as Bix stared at Tom. He hummed and put the cards down slowly making two of the quartet laugh at the irate expression painted on their friend’s face.

Bix cleared his throat, “Icepick Lobotomy, that’s how I want to die.” Noora raised her hand silently, claiming the card as hers. “My friend’s hot mom, that’s how I want to die.” Bix shook his head as Patrick laughed, he should have known Patrick would pick such a perverted card. He always took every chance he got to be an immature child. The edge of Bix’s lips twitched, “Bronies, that’s how I want to die.” Noora and Patrick swore. Of all the cards Tom could have gotten, he just had to pick the one card that would be a ‘collect 200 pass go.’ Tom grinned and gladly accepted the black card and white cards of his winning round, shooting a cocky grin at the glaring Patrick.

Noora nodded, ignoring that looks shared between the boys, and reached for a black card, “2 card Black card.” The boys all nodded. “For my next trick, I will bring blank out of blank.” She watched as her companions browsed their white cards and debated whether their newest card was worth playing. “I know I’m probably gonna jinx it, but when do you think someone-” she said before being interrupted by Tom bolting over the table and slamming his hand over her mouth. 

“Do not continue that sentence.” Oh yeah, that’s right. Tom is a firm believer in the anything that could count as magic. He was an odd person. “Just don’t jinx it. We have enough problems most of the time just trying to figure out how to stop the idiots who want to change the world as it is.” He laid down his card and ran a pale hand through his medium length hair. 

“You know Tom, Patrick sees a grey hair right by your ear.” Tom gave the scotsman a dirty look.

Noora seeing the tension between the two quickly continued the game, not wanted to be caught between the two, they could be like a pair of raging male elephant seals. “Everyone have their cards down?” When she got three nods, Noora continued. “Perfect. For my next trick I will pull Poo-shaped Gummies out of Penis Pendants.” Noora gave Patrick a disgusted look. Sometimes she was just plain terrified of the things he came up with. “For my next trick I will pull Koalas with Chlamydia out of Russian homemade porn.” Great there was another immature guy among them, Tom grinned and laughed at Noora’s expression. He was quite proud of his selection. Noora gave the last card a hopeful look, “I will pull Batman out of Arnold Schwarzenegger.” Nope. Hope was lost. She was surrounded by immature children. Why did she decide to take this job eluded her. With reluctant motions, she handed the cards over to an overly cheerful Tom who was laughing and taunting a stone faced Patrick. 

“Your turn Patty ol’ boy.” Tom got a dark glare from Patrick.

“Instead of coal, Santa now give bad children  blank.” Patrick paused, “Patrick has a great card for this. He really wishes that he could play it.” Tom smirked. 

“Well to bad Freckles!” Said freckles twitched in Patrick’s irritation.

Bix sighed and turned to Noora. “Say Nori, when’s are our next trip to our time. I know we already know the result of the election but I believe that we should spend Christmas with our family this year.” Noora tilted her head as if she was embodying the scales she was using to weigh the pros and cons of spending Christmas with their families that they haven’t seen in years. She nodded, adding her card to the pile in front of Patrick.

He smirked at Tom and shuffled the cards. “Instead of coal, Santa now gives bad children Robots with human faces.” Everyone gave Bix a look. He grinned cheekily. So what if he was a cyborg, he was gonna take every advantage that he could. Even if that meant losing to the likes of Tom and Patrick in a game like Cards Against Humanity. “Santa now gives bad children Turian Anal Beads.” Patrick paused, this card was either Tom or Noora’s. He looked at Tom, he got a blank look. He looked at Noora, he stared at her. This was Noora’s card, he did not expect that. “Santa now gives bad children a defective condom.” Yeah, he thought with a snort, This was definitely Tom’s card. Deciding to take advantage of being the Card Tsar, he handed Noora’s card and the black card to her. She shot Tom a victorious smirk. He frowned, that was a winning card!

He snorted at the white words on the black card. Noora was gonna love this card. “Next from JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Blank.” Noora grins and slams a white card down with a grin. Her white gold hair waving from the action. Her laugh sounding like a stereotypical witch, wart and all.

Noora leaned back in her swiveling chair, “So, I have a question.” The boys stared at her, curious to what the question was. “What is your most favorite memory from our various adventures?” The boys looked thoughtful.

Patrick slid his card across to Tom’s side of the table. “Patrick thinks that that one time where Tom had to act like Abraham Lincoln was one of the more amusing.” Everyone but Tom laughed. Noora remembered that event fondly. Some idiot from the future had decided that he had to get Abraham Lincoln’s autograph so he traveled back in time after stealing a device and Tom had to imitate Abraham Lincoln to get the idiot to go back to his own time. The only problem was that Tom is the kind of guy who gets funky when he’s drunk, so when the guy asked a drunk Tom dressed up as Abraham Lincoln for his autograph, well that guy now thinks that Abraham Lincoln is very different than in the history textbooks.

Bix shook his head, brown hair moving over his shoulder. “I’d say Noora at Woodstock has to be in the top memories.” Noora grinned. Oh Woodstock, the fun she had there. It was almost as fun as the time she and Patrick decided to paint a micro pig wearing a raincoat and booties on the front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. 

Tom looked at the three white cards in front of him. He sighed and picked them up, “Next from JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Car Accidents.” Tom shook his head. Not really a funny one. “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Racist Ninjas.” Again not a funny one. “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Weaponized Ebola.” He cringed. These cards were horrible, but he had to pick one. He looked at the white cards again, their shine reflecting the light. 

“Patrick wins.” He stated in monotone.

Patrick grinned and nodded in victory. Patrick 1, Tom 2, Noora 1.

Tom reached for the white card pile and selected his newest white card, then waited for Bix to read the black card. “I’d have to say that one of my favorite moments from our travels was the Prank War we had. 

In unison, everyone else spoke, “Which one?” Tom gave them a blank look. 

“The one which lasted the longest remember?” A unanimous ‘oh!’ echoed throughout the room. He nodded, satisfied that they remembered and motioned for Bix to read the card.

In the standard movie narrator movie, Bix read the card that would start the group on their more terrible rounds, “In a World ravaged by Blank, our only solace is Blank.” All three of the current players grinned and slammed their first cards down, shaking the table. It took a little while longer before there were 6 total white cards on the table.

“Everyone done?” Three nods. “In a World ravaged by The Ghostbusters, our only solace is butt acne.” Noora laughed.

“That’s my card!” Tom gave her a grossed out look. Whether it was for the Ghostbusters or the butt acne, they didn’t know. 

“In a World ravaged by The Cast of Jackass, our only solace is gamma-ray induced boners.” This time Patrick laughed.

“Patrick thinks that that is a winning combination!” Bix and Tom shook their head while Noora gave him a frown, they thought in unison, Pervert.

“In a World ravaged by - oh this is a good one - Donald Trump played a bugle out of his ass,” Noora and Patrick laughed while Tom grinned like a fool, “our only solace is swallowing live kittens.” Their laughter cut off. Swallowing live kittens? All three of the people around Tom gave him a look.

“What? I like Buffy and the bad guys use live kittens in their poker games!”

Noora glared at him. “That doesn’t make it okay!” Tom just grinned at her, his eyes alight.

Bix sighed, handing the Buffy fan his winnings.

The game went on the same for many rounds before they decided to start calling it quits. They did have the huge meeting with their bosses tomorrow, bright and early as their boss’s assistant always said. It always sounded so amazing in her posh, light british accent.

Patrick, ever the Marvel fan, grinned as he read the card, “The new Avengers movie was great, until they added Blank.” Tom shook his head, how Patrick could like Marvel eluded him. Sure Marvel has it’s strong points but they also had their weak points. In his opinion, DC was better. 

As Patrick knew what he was thinking, he glared at Tom. “Patrick thinks that Tom’s argument is weak.” Tom scoffed, but secretly grinned as he put his card down. This was a winner for sure!

“Oh really? Then tell me how I’m wrong.” Tom taunted the fiery red head. Oh the thrill he got from his rivalry with Patrick. 

Patrick grinned, “Batman is your problem.” Tom lost his smirk. Oh he did not just bring Batman into this. “You say Batman is the greatest superhero, Patrick says that Batman is the creepiest superhero. He’s not even super!” Noora and Bix put their cards down and silently backed up. There was no way that they were getting into that fight. Tom glared harder, eyes blazing. Patrick was on a roll though, “Batman runs around in a batsuit! A giant black bat suit. He is a creeper! He hides in alleys at night with a mask on and pops out and attacks people with a creepy voice!” 

Tom already had his counter attack, “Yes he does but only criminals!” It wasn’t the strongest but it was the truth.]

Patrick was prepared for this argument. He was known for watching various comedians in his free time and one of them was Gabriel ‘Fluffy’ Iglesias and in his newest special, Fluffy had done this same exact argument, but with an 18 year old not a 28 year old, but hey, with Tom there wasn’t much of a difference. “Yes that may be true, but think about who else does stuff like that? Walks around in a costume, speaks in a different voice, is a creeper?” He deepened his voice, “Hey I lost my puppy, Hey wanna pet my puppy, Hey want some candy?” Tom realized that this was an argument that was not worth arguing, but with him being a proud person. He couldn’t give up so easily.

He stared at Patrick and said only two words, “Weak argument.” And went back to his cards. Patrick stared at his teammate. Weak argument? Who was he talking about, himself or Patrick? 

Noora sighed in relief. “Can we just read the cards now?”

Three hums of acknowledgement met her ears before Patrick read the cards. “The new avengers movie was great, until they added David Bowie’s giant Labyrinth cock bulge.” Tom snickered. “The new avengers movie was great, until they added Star Wars made after 1983. And the last pairing - New avengers movie was great, until they added The Knights who say Ni.” Patrick tilted his head, who would win this round? Tom and his David Bowie card? Bix and his Star Wars card? Noora and Monty Python? With a weary exhale, he handed the cards to a victorious Tom.

Bix looked at the Wall of Clocks behind Noora. “This should probably be the last round. It’s getting pretty late. We have to be prepared for tomorrow’s adventures.” As one, the other time travelers looked at the wall that held the many clocks that displayed the time and date of their home time/world and any other worlds they had found or been found by previous time traveling teams before them.

Noora nodded, “Yeah, sounds smart.” She reached over and drew the last black card of the game. “There is no moon; it’s Blank.” She leaned back and started sketching in her little black moleskine with a hum. 

Tom slammed a white card down with a happy little wiggle. He knew exactly what card to play to win. It was the ultimate card. Patrick and Bix were more subdued in what they put down; they both didn’t have the best cards this round.

After all the cards were on the table, Noora reached over and took the white cards in her right hand and the black card in her left. “Alright, There is no moon; it’s hot cheese.” She shook her head, who ever had this card did not have the best luck right now. “There is no moon; it’s crystal meth.” Noora cringed, she held no love for any sort of drug. They were disgusting and destroyed lives. She laughed as she read the next card, “There is no moon; it’s exploding pigeons.” This was a winner, she thought with a grin.

Noora held up the exploding pigeons. Tom grinned and did a little victory wiggle in his seat before taking the offered cards. Patrick gave him a look, “Dude really, exploding pigeons?” Tom only grinned, “Yes really, it’s exploding pigeons. What’s not to like!” Just as Tom finished speaking, a blaring alarm started.

“BWARRRRRRR!”

All four groaned in unison. Noora sighed and pushed her chair back. “Looks like we aren’t getting any sleep tonight.” Tom groaned and trudged over to the lockers on the opposite wall of the Wall of Clocks. He opened his locker and shrugged on the uniform of the Time Traveler's Guild. 

“Yeah yeah, let’s just go stop whatever idiot is messing with the timeline so we can try and get at least an hour of sleep.” 

As the four walked toward the cockpit of the UTS Phoenix, they could practically hear the dramatic music start playing.

“Tom, disengage autopilot.”

“Autopilot disengaged.”

“Bix, how we lookin’ on the dash?”

“Everything’s good, Cap.”

“Good. Patrick?”

“Systems hot and ready Cap. Just say the word.”

“Alright boys. Let’s go save the timeline.”

 


	2. I Regret to Inform You of the Black Hole Approaching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this next chapter, Noora and her team aboard the UTS Phoenix are on their way back to the Time Travelers Guild’s headquarters from stopping a kleptomaniac idiot from telling Hitler how to win World War 2. In their battle against the time traveler, the wormhole that they entered in order to get to the Time Travelers Guild’s headquarters, after placing the time traveler into the ship’s holding cells, was compromised by a shot from a tank belonging to the Axis Powers’ army. The crew of the UTS Phoenix is now stuck in a time loop/wormhole/mix thingy because Bix’s robotic arm is on the fritz, so Patrick keeps switching languages and Tom keeps de-aging. Only Noora is unaffected.

Phee -  stands for Phoenix which is the name of their ship, an A.I. aka Artificial Intelligence, her personality is mix of JARVIS and FRIDAY from Marvel and SARAH and BRAD from Eureka, she is also very prissy and tends to be a bit narcissistic with homicidal tendencies, also tends to use pop culture references

Emi \- short for Emilia, Time Master Willa’s personal assistant, spunky and wears A LOT of bright clothing, also mismatched clothing, idolizes the Mad Hatter, March Hare and Peter Pan, she also REALLY likes puns and jokes, also practical jokes, dyes her hair random colors

Time Master Willa \- the head of the Time Traveler’s Guild, Noora and Team’s boss, strict, rule abiding, think Amelia Bones from Harry Potter crossed with Minerva McGonagall from Harry Potter, she is constantly chastising Emi for pranking the guards of the guild and other employees of the guild, has a weakness for Noora and the team as Patrick is her nephew on her husband’s side of the family

Ryan Seckler \- one of the time travelers of the Time Traveler’s Guild, Noora’s childhood friend and rival, they DO NOT get along well Noora doesn’t like him, cocky, wears a lot of military type clothing

Pendulum "Penny" - one of Ryan Seckler's teammates, does not like being called Penny but everyone calls him that

* * *

Patrick reached his arms above his head in a stretch that made Tom cringe.  “Dude, do you have to crack your back like that!” Patrick smirked, Tom’s reactions was one of the world’s greatest creations. He deliberately cracked his knuckles on both hands, before meeting the burning eyes of Tom. “Patrick don’t even think about it!” Patrick cracked his neck. “Goddamn it Patrick!”

Noora ran a hand over her face. She had hoped that this mission had gotten any excess energy out of Tom and Patrick, but as usual, her hopes weren’t going to come true. It would seem that there was always going to be some sort of energy stored away for an argument between Tom and Patrick. She sat up and reached over to the compartment to her left. “Alright boys, let’s get out of here.” Sounds of acknowledgement reached her ears. “Patrick, open a wormhole.”  
“Patrick is on it like Tom on sugar Captain.” Tom glared at Patrick.

“Tom stop glaring at Patrick and start up the ship.”

“Yes Captain.” He switched to manual and started clicking buttons and flicking switches. “Engines are alive.”

Noora nodded. “Bix, will you do the honors?” The cyborg nodded and reached with his faintly sparking left arm to the silver handle to the left of him. Noora just happened to glance at him when she realized that his arm was twitching. “Bix? What’s wrong with your arm?” Just as she spoke, Bix’s arm spazzed and hit the button right next to the silver handle. “BIX NO! THAT WAS THE CLOAKING DEVICE!” She screamed, just as she heard the ship’s A.I. speak.

“In a moment of distraction, Master Bix’s arm decides to doom the crew by hitting the button to deactivate the cloaking device.”

Noora groaned, “NOT NOW PHEE!”

There was a moment of silence as the front window showed an army with tanks aimed at them. “THOMAS GET US OUT OF HERE!” screamed Noora. She had no desire to explain as to why they were engaged in battle with the Axis Powers’ army to their boss. 

She let out a breath as Tom maneuvered the UTS Phoenix into the wormhole. “Patrick thinks that wasn’t so bad.” remarked Patrick after the wormhole entrance closed behind them. In unison, the rest of the crew glared at Patrick. Why did he always have to jinx them?

Immediately, the group knew something was wrong. The wormhole around them was starting to darken. “Patrick, what did you do?” Tom said in a low voice. 

Patrick gave Tom a hurt look, “Why is Patrick always blamed for things he didn’t do?” Tom gave him a look.

Phee decided to give them more cause for alarm. “If you’d like to ignore the sexual tension between those two, I regret to inform you that there seems to be a black hole of some sorts before us.” Noora and Bix snickered as Patrick and Tom gave the semi-transparent figure beside Noora a glare. They didn’t have any sexual tension!

Then they fully took in what Phee had said.

“BLACK HOLE?!” They screamed in unison.

Noora stood up, sure enough there was an ominous black void before them, slowly getting bigger and bigger as they approached. Noora cursed and turned towards her control panel. “Tom try and slow us down.” He nodded and began to click buttons and flick switches.

But it was too late, they had gone through the void.

…

Patrick gave Tom a hurt look, “Why is Patrick always blamed for things he didn’t do?” Tom gave him a look.

Noora gasped. They were alive?

“We’re alive!” Her crew gave her weird looks.

“Cap you all right?” Tom said in a concerned voice. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine.” She said but then trailed off as she took in Tom’s appearance. “Tom?” He hummed. “Why do you look younger?”

“Huh?” Tom’s usually neat black hair was little past shoulder length and messy and pulled back in a low short ponytail. He also seemed shorter.

Noora turned to Patrick and Bix, they both seemed fine, so why did Tom look younger.

Noora swore as Phee spoke up in a familiar phrase, “I regret to inform you that there seems to be a black hole of some sorts before us.” 

Noora gasped as they went back through the void.

...

Patrick gave Tom a hurt look, “Why is Patrick always blamed for things he didn’t do?” Tom gave him a look.

Noora groaned. So that was what was going on. They were stuck in a variation of a time loop. She eyed Tom’s younger and shorter appearance. A bizarre variation of a time loop.

“[Greek] Captain, are you okay?” said Patrick.

Noora stared. Did the guy who failed his foreign language course 4 times just speak greek? “Patrick?”

“[Russian] Yes?” 

Was that Russian? 

Tom turned to Patrick. “Come on man, get normal.” Noora’s eyes shot to Tom. Oh god she remembered this phase of Tom’s growth. He called everyone man and spoke using weird phrases and totally butchered the English language.

Bix snickered at the look on his captain’s face. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here, but then was knocked out by his robotic arm fritzing and smacking him in the face. 

Noora sighed and shook her head, “I have to ignore this. I can do this. I am strong. I can ignore the fact that Tom is acting like his 20 year old self. I can do this. Patrick is definitely not talking in other languages.” She repeated to herself as she went about trying to get them out of this situation.

But it was too late, Phee said that dreaded phrase, “I regret to inform you that there seems to be a black hole of some sorts before us.” 

…

Patrick gave Tom a hurt look, “Why is Patrick always blamed for things he didn’t do?” Tom gave him a look before sniffing and ignoring him with an upturned nose.

Noora moaned and gave a pained laugh. “Alright Noora. You can do this. You aren’t the captain of the finest time ship of the Time Travelers Guild.” She looked at the arguing boys and couldn’t help but snicker. Patrick was waving his hands around, babbling in what sounded like Swahili, while Tom looked to be about 16 years old. When Tom was 16, he was the moodiest teenager she had ever had the displeasure of knowing. All he wanted to do was argue and argue and argue.

“No, Noora. Stop reminescing.” She said to herself, “You need to figure out how to get back.” She started clicking and flicking switches and buttons. 

Bix sighed, “Captain, unless we can hail Headquarters and get them to connect to our tracking system then we are going to be stuck in this time loop.

Noora turned to her cyborg crewmate. She knew he was correct. Until they got out of this situation, Patrick would be stuck speaking foreign languages and Tom would be stuck slowly de-aging until he was nothing more than a dead fetus or less. She nodded, she immedaitly turned to Bix. “Bix, I need you to repair the communciations systems as fast as you can.” She turned to the arguing duo. “Patrick!” He turned to her

“[French] What?”

“Is the tracking system working?” 

Patrick turned to his screens and tapped a few things and dragged a few things across the screen before turned to her. “[Tagalog] Yeah, it’s working fine.” Noora nodded. Good, now maybe they could get started on getting out of this situation.

“Why do people keep ignoring me?! What did I ever do to deserve this!” screamed Tom.

His three crewmates sweatdropped. Was he serious? 

“I hate you all! I wish you would all die!”

He was serious.

Phee spoke up, breaking the silence.  “I regret to inform you that there seems to be a black hole of some sorts before us.” Noora swore.

…

Before Patrick yelling in Bengali and a 12 year old Tom could get into an argument, Noora turned to Bix and ordered him to fix the communications system as fast as he could. She turned to the petulant translator and man-child, “Patrick, Tom. I want you two to be quiet. I can’t have your argument distracting Bix from his work, alright?”

“[Mandarin] Yes Captain.”

“Whatever Mom.”

“Drop the sarcasm Tom!”

Tom squeaked, “Yes Ma’am!” She gave him a pointed look, “Yes Captain.” She nodded as they both turned back to their consoles and took turns glaring at each other.

I need a vacation, thought Noora as she began to monitor the progress of Bix and kept trying to hail Headquarters.

“[Arabic] CAPTAIN!” screamed Patrick.

Noora sighed, “Yes Patrick?” 

He clicked a button and Noora gaped as the familiar face of Time Master Willa appeared on the screen. Her black hair in a tight bun with her glasses perched on her nose and a stern look on her face. Noora gulped, she suddenly felt like first year who was just caught setting up a prank by a cross between Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall. 

“Captain Sorenson.” 

Nora gulped. “Time Master.”

“EMI!” The Time Master sighed and pinched her nose as her personal assistant photobombed the screen with a cheerful grin and an enthusiastic wave. “Hey Noora!”

Noora laughed nervously, “Hey Emi.” 

“Emilia, go sort through the papers on my desk. Label them in alphabetical order.”

“Already did it.”

“Numerical order.”

“Done!”

“Order of importance?”

“Finished last week!”

The Time Master gave her a look. Emi laughed and skipped away with a hum that sounded remarkably like Happy by Pharrell Williams. She turned back to Noora, “So Captain Sorenson, I hear you have a bit of a time loop problem.”

Noora blushed. Looks like Bix got the communciations system fixed faster than normal. She looked over at the cyborg only to sweatdrop as her eyes took in the knocked out figure of their cyborg crewmate with spirals in his eyes, a throbbing lump on his head and a fritzing arm. 

“Right, well I shall be sending you some assistance shortly. Don’t worry. They are the best. Good day.” With that, the giant skype call screen disappeared giving the crew of the UTS Phoenix the front seat view of the black void they were about to enter.

“Great. Here we go again.”

...

Noora ignored Patrick yelling at a 5 year old Tom in Polish as he gnawed on Patrick’s arm, she had to focus on lighting up their ship’s beacon. “Hey Phee, time to turn on the beacon.”

There was a moment of silence before the ship’s A.I. responded, “And why should I do that?” 

“Because I asked nicely?” said Noora, confused. Why wouldn’t she turn it on?

Phee hummed, “Nope. What do I get out of it?”

Noora’s eye twitched. “Seriously?” Phee yeah upped. “I’LL SCRAP YOU AND REPLACE YOU WITH A SMARTER AND BETTER A.I.!” hollered Noora, losing her patience.

“Wow Nori, you must really not like your A.I.” remarked a familiar cocky voice.

Noora let loose all her frustration in the form of a string of the variations the f-word could come from, even in the languages she would speak in. 

“Well that certainly illustrated the diversity of the word.” 

“No. I refuse to be rescued by the likes of a  _ Seckler _ .” Noora stated, her voice dripping with malcontent. She had no desire to be rescued nor be in the any closeness to Ryan Seckler, the guild’s cockiest time traveler.

He laughed, “Oh come on Nori!” She growled, why did he have to call her that childish nickname, “You know you want to be rescued by this gorgeous body.” 

Bix turned to his captain, he flinched as he took in her mood. He could practically see the steam billowing out of her ears and the smoke rolling out her nostrils. “Uh Captain, you should probably take him up on that offer.”

“And why Bix Carter should I do that?”

He flinched, “Because we still have the black hole to deal with.”

Noora turned to the void and swore. “Fine. But mark my words Seckler. Should you brag about this, _ I will end you _ .” Her voice deepening as she growled at the smirking figure on the giant skype call screen.

“But of course Nori. I’d never dream of doing that.” Ryan actually looked hurt. He turned to someone off screen, “Alright Penny, let’s bring in the Phoenix.” There was a glint of mischief in his eyes as someone off screen, presumably Penny, growled.

“My name is not Penny.” The voice was deep and gravelly. “My name is Pendulum.” Ryan made a face. 

“Whatever you say Penny.” The voice growled. “Just bring in the Phoenix.” There was huff before Noora felt their ship give a jolt before going through the blue wormhole that appeared before them. 

She let out a sigh of relief when they appeared in the vastness of space, the only sight being the stars and the large ice blue ship towering over them. “Hello Phoenix, welcome back to normal space. I hope your adventure went well?” Noora glared making Ryan laugh. “Now now Nori, there is no need to glare.” He tapped his chin with a smirk, “Don’t you have something to say to my crew and I?” 

The fritzing Bix, Patrick, finally speaking English, and 29 year old Tom all chorused, “Thank you UTS Jotun.” Ryan gave them a nod before giving Noora an expectant look.

“Nori, you know you want to!” He sang.

She gave an annoyed sigh, “Thank you UTS Jotun for getting us out of that time loop. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

Ryan gave her a pleasantly smug look. “Now was that so hard?”

“Yes. Painfully so.”


End file.
